hais.

its really painful to see someone leaving this world right infront of ur eyes.

i really cant rmb when is the last time i visited her.

and now she's gone.

gone forever.

at least im there to acc her during very last journey and till her very last breathe.

kor kor u must take care k?

i noe u love ur mother very much.

im sure ur mother noes it too.

i believe tat ur mother will be having good life too at the other world tat we cant see.

kor kor i will always rmb wat u had told me the past few days.

actually i felt great too to meet up 2 of my closer kor kor.

the rest not close de.

den i realise im the 'princess'.

coz im the only girl at our generation.

haa.

instead of being dote.

i got bullied from the 2 kor kor.

so bad.

1 asked me to buy psp for his bdae present.

1 asked me to buy air ticket for his bdae present.

-_-

life is unpredictable.

2mths b4 i lost 1 family member.

i did not went coz its during my bdae week my mother dont allow me to go.

den 2mths aft lost another one.

hais.

so wat if i look fine today.

who noes wat will happen to me tmr?

losing a family menber forever is already heartpain.

at the same time.

i think i had lost 4 friends.

i dunno y.

i dunno how.

i dunno wat.

i dunno when.

hais.

my nightmare is finally here.

the news i dont wana hear eventually still has to be heard.

the day i dont wana it to arrive will be arriving in 22days.

15march2008

dont stop me from crying.

let me be.

dear im going to miss you very very very much...

i really dunno how to survive without u le.

for the past 6mths i had been sticking u so closely.

i cant imagine how my life will be like without u.

dear dont worry k?

i will be strong de.

i will be waiting for u de.

love u my dear.

(:

hais.

y i just cant do well in the things i do?

morale reallie damn low now.

y they can do it but i cant?

made me no more confidence.

feel like avoiding it.

hais.

ya well perhaps failure is always a failure ba.

wat can i do when im sad?

cry?

sleep?

do nothing?

daydream?

anyone can tell me?

wat can i do to relise stress?

shout?

yell?

scream?

or cry?

hais.

i dont want this kind of life.

i wana be happy.

i dont wana be sad.

i wana to smile.

i ont wana to cry.

but how?!?!

now im really confuss tat whether i wana be alone or i need an accompanyment.

when im alone how i wish there's someone to talk to me so tat i wont feel down.

but sometimes how i wish ppl can leave me alone so tat i can cry to myself.

hais.

wat i really want lah?

i really wonder.

ohh ya i forget to mention.

well maybe i said it damn long time ago.

so those who are new to my blog wont noe.

i hate ppl to talk abt my blog details outside.

dont discuss it among ppl too!!

once u read it.

either u rmb it and shut up.

or jolly well u can just forget it.

and if u feel offended.

sorry.

its my blog afterall.

dont like it den just simply dont read!

i dont mind.

my purpose of blogging is to pour out all my feelings.

happiness and sadness.

if i allow u to say it out or discuss among group.

y i still bother to blog?

i might as well write and put on newspaper.

den ALL will noe.

no need ppl to talk abt it.

ya.

tats another reason y am i tat angry tat day.

n oso the reason y i changed my password.

hmm had been 2weeks ever i last blogged.

cny is over.

yup first time in my memory i celebrate cny in singapore.

went chinatown on the eve.

first day and second day of cny went for movie.

of coz i simply love being with him.

but others just cant understand me.

out of sudden aft our happy dinner gathering.

she came against me.

worst thing is.

not directly.

is indirectly.

y wana pass msg?

just tell me straight.

still say we are friends for more den 10yrs.

for tat fucking 10yrs u dont understand me?

ya perhaps u have not.

i dont feel hurt for those words u said to me.

i felt so damn fucking angry.

more den u told someone to pass the msg to me tat u're pissed with me.

how i wana treat my bf is my prob.

how u wana treat ur bf its ur hell god damn prob.

y wana interfere?

i just feel tat wasted my effort treating u as my friend.

wat a FRIEND!!

wat made me real damn mad was.

she went round telling ppl tat im wrong.

i shld change.

i just wana stop the small matter to become big matter.

i told her 'ok stop it'

den again she went round telling ppl tat i had admitted tat im in the wrong.

i will change.

wat the fuck~?!

wat she meant by tat?

telling ppl tat she had won the battle?

and i had lost?!

fuck off~!!

ARGH!!!

aft tat.

i kept on thinking.

wat had i achieve in my life?

think think think.

seems nothing.

feels like im a failure.

mother always nagging tat im not a good daughter.

bf commented im selfish and stubborn.

friends say tat i neglected them.

boss say tat i had not done a good job.

see.

wat and where else im good at?

im like a failure in all areas in my life.

TOTAL FAILURE~

hais...

hmm came back from work.

i feel much much more tired to work opening den working closing.

coz if i worked opening i only slp for like 3hrs.

den if i work closing i still can slp 6 to 8hrs.

haa.

anyway my boss like treat me so nice like tat.

tmr and sun im off.

den cny 1st and 2nd im off.

actually i only request off on 1st day nia.

but 2nd day im off too!

so happy.

lols.

but off where can i go?

im not like the rest go around visiting relatives.

so i dunno where to go and wat to do.

but luckily both of the days he is not working too.

hee.

cny dinner ah cny dinner.

still rmb we had it last yr.

so fun.

having the lao yu sheng.

wana have it again this yr.

(: